Vegan to Veggie

Hey lovies! Congrats on making it to Wednesday, nearly the weekendddd

Today I wanted to talk to you about my move towards eating vegetarian from being mostly vegan (I did very occasionally have treats of fro-yo). A lot of people ask me why I went vegan in the first place. As a child I could only manage to eat chicken in terms of meat without me either chewing on it for an hour or throwing it back up and even then it was only in the form of chicken nuggets, dippers, fingers etc so not even real chicken! I then just got fed up of having these and went veggie. When my ED hit and I was put into clinics I suddenly changed to ‘liking’ chicken again simply because my anorexia did not like the vegetarian alternatives which ALWAYS consisted of full fat cheese and this was a big no no for my illness. Chicken seemed like a safer non-fatty option and so I made myself go with the safer option simply for the sake of my weight gain. How ridiculous. When I got back home it was safe to say I went back to being veggie but with safe options, non-fat yogurts, egg whites, non fat cottage cheese and I practically lived on these along with fruits and veggies so I never faced my fear of fats and gained any weight. When I decided on recovery I wanted to face my fear but in a healthy way. I knew that it could be possible to gain weight in a way that I could cope with. So I turned to veganism. As a vegan I would have to face my fear of fats; nuts, nut butters, higher fat protein alternatives, hummus, oils, dark chocolate. I convinced myself that this would be okay to cope with. They were healthy and even though I was terrified of the change, making that change would be important in staying away from my ‘safe foods’ and giving me a chance of recovery. It turned out that the decision turned out well…:)

So the past few months I have turned back to dairy now that I no longer have foods that I label as ‘bad’ and am quite content with how I manage myself in terms of diet. Dairy has been a controversial aspect of our diets for a while now. You’ll find so many articles out there on why going dairy-free is good for you. There’s stuff on helping your digestion, helping acne, helping all kinds of problems. But the fact is, is that we are brought up on dairy from birth so there must be some good in it. Okay so obviously there is the calcium aspect that prevents osteoporosis (important for underweight people, previous sufferers of an ED and elderly people) but of course there are plenty of other non-dairy sources.

I feel personally dairy is just something that either works for you or doesn’t. If it gives you problems and you find eliminating it helps you health-wise, then great. That is the same with me and gluten. Since being gluten free I have had far fewer stomach issues and on the occasion when I’ve given in to gluten, I have noticed the effects and been ill for days at a time. If dairy does that to you then I know from experience it’s just not worth the pain.

For me personally though, adding dairy back into my daily diet has had a huge benefit. I loved being vegan, I really did and I still eat probably 60% vegan and it is still a huge passion of mine, especially the raw vegan aspect, after the wonders it did in my recovery. But of course I had to watch out for milk in products all the time so more is now available to me which is nice. But with my gluten free diet too, well it was definitely more of a restriction..I didn’t find it impossible though and I coped with eating out well every time so it never prevented me from going out for meals. However now I only have to look out for the gluten aspect and eating out has become a lot easier again. More importantly though for me, it has helped me health-wise.

Since eating dairy I have not once ‘binged’ or felt out of control with my eating. I do still have indulgent days as every sane human should! But being vegan I had phases of day after day binging, especially in times of stress and it did really upset me. It felt very much out of control and despite my efforts to cut back, restrict even, of course it always backfired on me even more. Eating dairy I feel more satisfied and never hungry but never stuffed until I am uncomfortable. I feel like the amount I eat is in control, is a healthy amount for me, and although I managed to maintain my weight despite my occasional ‘binges’ being vegan, it is far easier to do so now that I’m in control I finally feel at peace with my eating and this has had a major positive impact on my mental well being and in fact I have even managed to lose some body fat with my new fitness plan added.

And as far as other problems that people link with dairy, well I’ve had none. My skin has never been perfect since my teens but it hasn’t gotten any worse. I just have the usual breakouts particularly at that time of the month. I can’t link any of my digestive problems to the times when I eat dairy. So all in all, for me it works.

What do you think about the dairy debate?

Have you added something back/taken something out in your diet? Why?

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Hey Nicky.
Great post! I can relate to this entirely, it’s quite amazing how similar our experiences have been actually.
Like you, I have suffered from severe anorexia and with it of course brought restriction in both the type and amount of food I ate. I have been vegetarian from an early age, choosing not to eat meat simply because I didn’t like the concept of eating “dead animal”. I was also very fussy around the consumption of dairy but this was largely due to a personal preference of taste.
When I was first admitted to hospital and later specialised units, I was presented with a huge issue for my eating disorder; the vegetarian options were either full fat everything or just double carbohydrate (helloooo crappy acute wards!). So, like you, I chose to begin eating the “safer” options of chicken and fish. After several admissions and periods of maintaining a low weight, I decided my only option would be to take responsibility for myself and attempt to recover at home.
For anyone who has ever attempted it, gaining a substantial amount living off egg white omelettes, fat free cottage cheese and cod proves almost impossible. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even enjoy eating these things! When I first moved out and started doing my own shopping I became overwhelmed further by the huge selection of low calorie options there was. It was then that I decided to become vegan. In this way, I could begin to branch out and start exploring different alternatives that not only tasted nicer but offered a huge amount more nutritionally. I challenged myself to everything I’d once been denied of… dairy free chocolate, vegan baked goods, nut butters, nuts, chips, dried fruits, dense breads… my vegan “restriction” suddenly became liberating. Not only this, I found my digestion improved massively when I cut out dairy entirely.
Now, a year on, I’m a world away from where I was. Most important of all I actually enjoy my food! I still adopt a semi vegan-dietary lifestyle but I eat (free range, organic) eggs once every fortnight or so, and I don’t always pass up on cakes baked by friends and family. I like to think I’ve found what works for me, and what I feel comfortable with. I certainly believe I owe my progress in recovery on my decision to turn to veganism and I hate that there is often a stigma attached to it and eating disorders.

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17 comments

paperbagblog said: December 5, 201216:47

I think it’s great that you’re continuing on your journey to find the foods that you’re happy with.

When I became veggie, and vegan, it was always 100% because of the ethical side to eating this diet – it was never associated with my ED. I’m not going to pretend that it came in very ‘handy’ at times, and got me out of eating with others, but the reason that I became vegan was always because of the ethical reasons behind the industry.

When I was younger I was SUPER strict with which companies I bought products from – and I still am, to a certain degree. I haven’t bought Nestle or Coco-Cola products since 2002, but I have lapsed with the odd product/company which I used to boycott. Sometimes a girl just needs her Pringles…! So in that respect I can totally understand how freeing it can be to let go of restrictions that you put upon yourself – and enjoy the odd treat!

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paperbagblog said: December 5, 201216:48

oops, that should be, *didn’t come in handy…!

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Ksenija @ Health Ninja said: December 5, 201218:51

I can totally refer to the binging-aspect: it seems like my body just does not like any kind of strict restriction, since I restricted it from a lot in my unhealthy hungry days. I still do enjoy most vegan foods and most of my cooking is vegan, but when I want to have pizza with cheese or yoghurt with fruit or just the real cows-milk with my cornflakes it satisfies me a lot more than the alternatives ever did (though I still like the taste of them).

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Amanda @ .running with spoons. said: December 5, 201219:05

I’m glad that you’re figuring out a way of eating that works for you, hun I was vegan for about a year, and veggie for 4, and while I thought it was the perfect diet for me, it turned out that it definitely wasn’t. My health suffered a lot, as did my energy and mood, and it wasn’t until I started reintroducing animal products that I started to feel better. First it was dairy, then eggs, and finally meat. I really, really didn’t want to go back to eating meat again, but the truth is that my health improved a tonne, and while I thought I was feeling good before, I feel 100x better now… basically back to the way I was before I got sick. So yeah… definitely lots of experimentation for me, and while I think it’s important to play around with your diet to find out what works, I think it’s equally important not to limit yourself by any labels.

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Aja said: December 5, 201219:12

I was a vegetarian for years then I met my fiance and ate meat again for two years because it was just more convenient since his family aren’t veggie but then I decided enough was enough. I strongly believe in animal welfare and all that so I gave it up again. As for dairy I don’t drink milk straight because of how bad it is for you but if it’s in something I don’t make a big deal out of it.

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runningcupcake said: December 5, 201220:26

It is so interesting to see other perspectives. I have been veggie for as long as I was allowed- before that I refused to eat meat because I hated the idea of it. I have reduced some dairy because I found I was eating it at every meal- milk/ yoghurt and breakfast, yoghurt/ cheese and lunch, cheese with dinner very often. And sometimes the idea of it seems a bit strange, but then like you say humans have evolved over thousands of years to eat dairy and digest it, so as long as it does not give you problems then fine.

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Rachel @ Eat, Learn, Discover! said: December 5, 201221:19

I love reading your blog lately, Nicky! It’s great to hear that you have found a way of eating that works for you, and that you are in a place where you can approach these kinds of questions with a fantastic attitude!
I personally don’t eat dairy because it makes me feel sick and bloated and more. I think that more people should pay attention to how dairy makes them feel – because I do believe that it is slightly unnatural to drink another animal’s milk, and thus a large number of people can’t digest it. However, if you *can* handle it, I’m all for eating hormone-free dairy, it’s such a great source of protein and calcium!

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Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes said: December 5, 201222:11

It’s so great that you are continuing on your food journey with such a positive attitude. So happy that you are happy with your current diet and have found something that works for you!

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Anonymous said: December 5, 201223:46

Hey Nicky.
Great post! I can relate to this entirely, it’s quite amazing how similar our experiences have been actually.
Like you, I have suffered from severe anorexia and with it of course brought restriction in both the type and amount of food I ate. I have been vegetarian from an early age, choosing not to eat meat simply because I didn’t like the concept of eating “dead animal”. I was also very fussy around the consumption of dairy but this was largely due to a personal preference of taste.
When I was first admitted to hospital and later specialised units, I was presented with a huge issue for my eating disorder; the vegetarian options were either full fat everything or just double carbohydrate (helloooo crappy acute wards!). So, like you, I chose to begin eating the “safer” options of chicken and fish. After several admissions and periods of maintaining a low weight, I decided my only option would be to take responsibility for myself and attempt to recover at home.
For anyone who has ever attempted it, gaining a substantial amount living off egg white omelettes, fat free cottage cheese and cod proves almost impossible. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t even enjoy eating these things! When I first moved out and started doing my own shopping I became overwhelmed further by the huge selection of low calorie options there was. It was then that I decided to become vegan. In this way, I could begin to branch out and start exploring different alternatives that not only tasted nicer but offered a huge amount more nutritionally. I challenged myself to everything I’d once been denied of… dairy free chocolate, vegan baked goods, nut butters, nuts, chips, dried fruits, dense breads… my vegan “restriction” suddenly became liberating. Not only this, I found my digestion improved massively when I cut out dairy entirely.
Now, a year on, I’m a world away from where I was. Most important of all I actually enjoy my food! I still adopt a semi vegan-dietary lifestyle but I eat (free range, organic) eggs once every fortnight or so, and I don’t always pass up on cakes baked by friends and family. I like to think I’ve found what works for me, and what I feel comfortable with. I certainly believe I owe my progress in recovery on my decision to turn to veganism and I hate that there is often a stigma attached to it and eating disorders.

X

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daisychain said: December 6, 201208:56

Fabulous post Nicky,
I made the transition back to omnivore from vegetarian during my recovery; I hate cheese and was finding it really hard to get in the calories needed and the protein without eating meat. I’m probably 80% veggie still, but meat does come in handy when I need a boost.

I love how you’re sharing these posts with us, I for one find it really helpful x

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coconutandberries said: December 6, 201214:28

Weirdly enough, the food I ate when struggling with anorexia was pretty unhealthy- I didn’t enjoy food at all so pretty much abandoned proper meals and would eat sweets or chocolate! Part of my recovery has been to learn to enjoy food and learn how to eat in a way which makes me feel good physically and mentally- a vegan diet has done that for me as I feel at peace ethically with my choices and feel I eat mostly pretty healthy but allowing for treats too.
I stuck with vegetarian in inpatient- It was a battle as I hated the options and how everyone else would go for chicken when the veg alternative was covered in cheese but I went vegetarian for ethical reasons and couldn’t turn my back on that.

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Devon @ Health in Equilibrium said: December 6, 201216:24

I cut out dairy for over a year because I was convinced it was correlated with my breakouts. But even without eating any dairy, I still break out, so I thought, “what’s the point?” I still don’t eat a lot of dairy or animal products in general, but I no longer obsess over it and am open to having it. I am definitely facing my fat fears too! Dark chocolate and nut butter? Delicious, and TOTALLY off-limits for years. Now I have been eating chocolate daily and am going to buy my first jar of nut butter for myself ever! Loved this post, eat what you want girl!

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Irina @ Chocolatea Time said: December 6, 201219:13

Thank you for shining a positive light on dairy! I used to try and limit it because of the negatives associated with it (bad skin especially, which is something I struggle with), but my body didn’t like living without it. I quickly discovered that my body functioned best with a daily dose of dairy and still does! I loveeee cheese and yogurt and eat it daily without any problems or concerns! I read somewhere that dairy is extraordinarily important for women for…reproductive reasons…and I don’t wanna mess around with Mother Nature. Unfortunately, milk doesn’t sit well with me at all (I used to throw up from it as a child ) so I’ve avoided it since. I’m glad that it makes you feel better and healthier!

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Laura Agar Wilson (@lauraagarwilson) said: December 6, 201220:33

I’ve been learning a lot about dairy in my nutrition course and it really is a very contested subject! We are the only species that drink the milk of other animals and continue to do so after infant hood and I know that a lot of people anti dairy use that as a reason for why we should avoid it, along with the fact that it can be acidic in our bodies, increase mucus production, actually leach the calcium from our bones rather than help us in that respect etc. Then on the flip side there are people that argue that some people just need dairy! Women our age especially benefit from full fat dairy (another reason why I always purchase full fat now) as it has been researched that it can support fertility, regulate hormones (with organic dairy) and so on. There are even schools of though that talk about the kind of ‘energy’ eating dairy gives us – its a nurturing energy that some of us may need. I just think it either works for you or it doesn’t, and I’m very happy to say it certainly works for me at the moment. Coming back to it after veganism has been one of the best things I’ve done, in fact I need to blog about it too as I’ve seen some very interesting positive effects in my body! Glad that you are loving it again!

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bluejayfreed said: December 8, 201200:46

The first time I attempted recovery (sadly, not the only time I attempted it ) I went vegan too! It was actually so helpful for me to feel safe within whatever I was eating. Its a really great transition while still feeling safe but also challenging yourself! Unfortunately, my parents wouldn;t let me keep it up and now I eat only healthy organic and humane-ly cared for meat and dairy. We are very careful to make sure that the small amount of meat we DO have is from a kind farmer, not some crazy mean abusive animal company. I think it is amazing that you have branched out and are now doing what is best for YOU, which includes having smoe dairy! Thats a huge thing in the recovered world, being able to make food decisions based solely upon what you think and want and crave. There’s no shame in being “just” a vegetarian. You are an amazing ispiration to me though, as I progres through my own recovery. Seriously, your blog has been vital to my progress and I am just so so thankful for you! Even though we’re strangers
xox Gemma

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Devon @ Health in Equilibrium said: December 8, 201214:22

Hey Nicky! So I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a Liebster blog award because I think you are so amazing Check out my blog to see how it works! xoxo

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Angela said: December 10, 201202:11

I think the common theme that more and more ppl are realizing is that when you have a mentality to restrict yourself from something, no matter what it is, you will feel deprived consciously or subconsciously in some form or another, and you will end up binging! I went through the same thing – and even if I’m eating the same amount as before, I don’t binge and I feel both physically and mentally satiated after introducing things back into my diet I eliminated before.

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